We just celebrated a New Year, and we are about to head into Spring Cleaning! With this combination we often find ourselves cleaning out closets, playrooms, and any other space in the house that gets cluttered. I don’t know if your children are like mine, but they usually want to help, and I am often time very resistant to wanting them to help. I say its because it takes me longer, but is it really because I have a hard time giving up control? This article from Focus on the Family, really hit me in the heart when I read it:
“Look Mom, I cleaned out my closet! See how great it looks?” As I stood there surveying what clearly resembled an unorganized mess, I contemplated how to react. I wanted to empty the entire closet, start the project over and do it the right way — my way. Instead, I smiled and said, “Great job! You worked hard. Now let’s get that pile to the trash.”
Need for control
Have you ever come behind your children and redone their work? You know, like reloading the dishwasher, improving the science project or reorganizing a closet? I have. And I’m ashamed to admit it. When my kids did not meet my expectations, I became frustrated and demanded compliance.
Some moms think the need to control is necessary, while others refer to it as efficiency. But I’m learning firsthand that it’s really a sign that Mom simply got herself stuck in the “Me Mom” trap. You may be familiar with this predicament. Signs include an overarching need to control what your children do and exactly how they do it.
Our need to control often reflects our attitude. Do we measure peace and contentment by our ability to achieve neatness and order? And in the process of achieving order, do we find ourselves creating chaos, even hurting the children we’ve been given to nurture?
Nurturing desire for success
Our role as our children’s first teacher is to motivate them to improve and instill in them a desire to do well. Our lesson as women is to desire God’s will, more than our own, for ourselves and our families (1 John 2:17).
Proverbs 22:6 instructs us to “train a child in the way he should go,” not “control a child in the way we want him to go.” Once we make it less about our need to have things done our way and more about teaching and encouraging, our kids can learn a good work ethic at the same time we (as moms) find peace and contentment. Isn’t it just like God to shape and grow us as we shape and grow our kids?
Nurturing children toward success is one of the greatest joys of motherhood. We will not find joy by seeking control, but we will flourish when we replace the Me Mom attitude with a heart of grace.